Where have all the interesting, politically involved, anti religious people gone?

I have a lot of friends, whom I love dearly, but who I unfortunately cannot talk to about politics, religion, science, beauty. It's not that they wont talk about it. It's that it becomes mostly just me, spouting off the things I have recently learned reading The God Delusion or Huffington Post and I learn nothing. I want to learn, I want to grow as a person. I feel inspired reading Richard Dawkins' writing. He inspires me to learn more, and to share what I've learned. I want to do something important. I want to be the next Richard Dawkins or Jon Stewart. Someone who takes their knowledge and beliefs and shares them with people like me.
This quote by John Adams is wonderful... but it made me a little sad. I think you'll understand why...
"As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion - as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen, - and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arrising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries."

With that, it's time for bed. I've learned many new things today, reading the God Delusion, and I enjoy thinking about them.

I watched that movie, Freaks. Anyone seen it? The one with this guy...




So... I googled ( Freaks )

( INTROBOTS )
OH MY GOD. My internet just totally flipped off, thank GOD for livejournal storing drafts, and thank GOD again for firefox having the ability to restore your session. PHEW!

I took some pretty awesome pictures of some pipes. Thought you girls might enjoy.
( see the wonderous magnificence of functional glass art )

June 13th, 2008 Free the Robots played at Backspace :D
They're my favorite and I've been waiting for them to come around these parts for about a year now. They didn't know where to go in Portland, so I told them to go to Backspace. It worked out well :)
( Free the Robots )

I write these words feeling that everything I write is common. Everything I say has been said before and nothing is unique. I write these words from my head, from my mass collection of ways to describe what I am thinking and seeing. How can one control the mind without that control consuming all creativity? Maybe that's the issue, we are all trying to control our creativity, instead of letting it flow. But how is this achieved? As a child, I had no control over my own imagination - and now I have pushed it away, made it scared to come out. All these years of everyone saying that you'll never get anywhere, and you'll never be anything - they must really get to you. Writers block. Back up. From years of misery, delight, boredom. That's what I've got. So many thoughts floating around at all times, I need a pen and paper with me 24/7. I see so much beauty in the world, yet I can't capture it at that exact moment. Every day I wish for someone to invent a contraption that will record all your thoughts throughout the day, so that we could compare. If we could compare thoughts the way we compare notes, couldn't we understand one another better? I am just too critical of what comes out of my finger tips. I've got to stop going back and revising, over and over. That's not real. This is real. These are my thoughts on a blank screen. I have the whole world wide web to listen to me.

---

How did I end up where I am? This whole chain of events stuns me. My whole life seems to be unfortunate events that bring wonderful conclusions. Twists and turns that somehow brought me to where I am now. I live in an apartment in the only town I've ever called home, with the only person in the world I'd want to wake up to every morning. Five days a week, I wake up, throw some clothes on, and head to work. Work is a head shop about a block away, Head East... it's the best job a stoner girl like me could ever ask for. There are so many characters every day who I should be writing about. This place could create an epic novel. On my first day I encountered a police officer. I have found he comes in about once a week, and buys 2 or 3 packs of whipped cream chargers. I'm unsure what he uses them for, but he seems to be a real nice guy. He tells us about dumb meth heads offering him drugs while he's in uniform, and equally as stupid crack dealers who deal only two feet away.

Theres another girl who comes in on a regular basis. She smells of something I don't care to identify, and brings in her little child. She's quite nice, but when she talks she spits at me, and that makes me uncomfortable. Often, she brings in change and asks us to give her bills, which we kindly and gladly do.

The best part about this job is that it makes me feel great about my love for Mary Jane. I see mothers and fathers, business men and women, grandparents, and everyone else. Everyone makes marijuana out to be a horrible, wrong thing that ruins your life. And now, I feel hundreds of times better than I did about smoking, because I see everyday, that you can be a normal, functioning person of society... who just so happens to smoke a lot of pot.

Is sex best morning, afternoon or night?
I personally prefer morning.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
It seems I'm always on the left side.

Pork, Beef, or Chicken?
Chicken, please.

Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
Nope. *knock on wood*

What leg do you put in pants first when pulling them up?
Left.

Candles or Incense?
Incense.

Did you play doctor when you were little?
I played odd games.

Do you dance when no one is watching?
Who doesn't? Yes. I do.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No.

Stove top cooking or microwave?
Stove top tastes better, but microwave is faster. We've got a decision to make.

Would you rather clean your car or your house?
Car.

Shower or bath?
Shower.

Do you pee in the shower?
I have. But I don't make it a habit.

Mexican or Chinese food?
Mexican. Their rice is better.

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive...ish.

Corn Dogs or Hot Dogs?
Hmm.... hot dogs. At least you can see the whole of the meat if you were so inclined... which I often am.

Your favorite restaurant?
I don't have one.

What did you have for lunch today?
Umm.........

Which do you prefer, iceberg or romaine lettuce?
Romaine is much better. Anyone who prefers iceberg is odd.

When did you last fall down?
Probably today. It's usually a daily occurrence that I fall... or at least stumble.

Have you ever wished someone were dead?
Yeah, only one person. It would have just made some parts of my life way easier. But who says life is supposed to be easy?

Love or Money?
Love, please. Then we'll work on the money situation together.

Credit Cards or cash?
Cash. I don't trust myself with unlimited money that I'm supposed to "pay back".

Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
Yes.

Oreos or Vanilla Wafers?
Oreos, please. I'm a chocoholic.

How do you like your steak?
Not red whatsoever.

How do you like your eggs?
I don't like liquidy yolks... anything without a liquid center will be fine for me, thanks.

Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight?
No.

Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
Camping. Hotels make me uncomfortable.

Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery?
Root canal. They're not incapacitating.

Would you shave your entire body including your head?
For what?

What is your favorite candy?
Anything chocolate.

Ever been to a strip club?
Nope.

Ever been to a bar?
Hah. Nope.

Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
See above.

Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
No.

Kissed someone of the same sex?
Yes.

Thrown up from drinking too much?
Once.

Had sex in the car?
Too many times.

Had sex at the beach?
Not yet.

Last person you had sex with?
I think that's obvious.

Have you ever faked an orgasm?
haha... yeah. Long time ago. Before I ever had an orgasm from a guy.

Have you ever been in a 3some or orgy?
Yes. ONCE.

Bold them..
01. I'm single.
02. I love the color blue
03. Shopping is FUN!
04. I love Rent!
05. I think gay marriage should be approved.
06. I'm obsessed with musical theater.
07. I enjoy scrapbooking.
08. I love the color pink.
09. I love to wear sandals
10. I love hugs.
11. I like to take pictures.
12. I am a blonde at heart.
13. I like root beer.
14. I love to drink water
15. I'm an drama queen.
16. I love dark chocolate.
17. My best friend is exactly like me
18. im going to new york soon

19. I love Finding Nemo
20. I love going to concerts.
21. I'm going to the Tony awards
22. I need to apply myself more.
23. I know that I need more sleep

24. I hate needles
25. I love Reese's!
26. I would never get a tattoo.
27. I'm taking piano lessons.
28. I'm going to be a sophmore.
29. I always take showers
30. I love to swim.
31. I want to travel
33. I hate being bored
34. I'm too lazy!
35. I love to watch Friends
36. I love American Idol.
37. I'd rather have a small group of close friends than a large group of friends that I didn't know all that well
38. I love Degrassi
39. I'm in chorus at school.
40. Getting new things is always fun.
41. I love giving gifts
42. I enjoy recieving them as well
43. I'm loud in some classes and quiet in others.
44. I love watching films.
45. I am very crazy at times.

46. I love messages
47. I make money by performing in musicals.
48. I hate social studies.
49. I like aol
50. I love using the computer.
51. I think too much.
52. Math is useless.

53. I love to write and type random things.
54. I eat too much junk food.
55. Moulin Rouge makes me cry.
56. My favorite movie is Waiting for Guffman.
57. I have a sister.
58. I like to sing.

59. I also like to act.
60. I want to be famous!
61. I have a GPA of 4.0.
62. I scare people sometimes.
63. I love the Disney Channel
64. I hate it when people judge others.
65. I love watching tv.
66. I miss Boy Meets World.
67. I'm so mad/sad about the Rent movie
68. I've been to every American Idol concert.
69. I go to Ravinia all the time.
70. I'm listening to Radio AOL.
71. I love listening to music.
72. I like to read.
73. I have blue eyes.
74. I love wearing skirts.
75. I love pets
76. I love ice cream.
77. I hate school
78. I like to talk.
79. Guys are confusing.
80. I love the 80s.
81. I'd love to have the money to buy things for people for no reason at all.
82. I love the 90s
83. I enjoy being single
84. I love Ed Debevics.
85. I want to live in NYC.
86. I wake up at 5 on school days.
87. I would love to visit the Mall of America.
88. I already went through braces.
89. I love shopping at Kohls.
90. I always listen to music in the car.
91. I hate when people are mean.
92. If I leave my hair to dry it goes curly
93. I don't like pop music
94. I'd do anything for my friends.
95. I live for the summer.
96. My hero is Jonathan Larson.
97. I love both of my parents
98. My sign is Aries.
99. I hate Hillary Duff.
100. I love recieving e-mail's/ims/Myspace or Livejournal Comments

I wrote this to someone, who wanted to know what I was about. I found it pretty accurate.

Me? I wouldn't call myself a feminist, but I have lots of feminist views. "A feminist is a woman who doesn't allow anyone to think in her place." I guess I live by that. Of course, obviously, I'm far from a man hater. Polar opposite, infact. I don't think the issue with women is men. We allow ourselves to be treated the ways we do, and then complain about it. I don't complain about it, I just don't let it happen. I don't believe in anything. I stand for it. Just believing wont get you anywhere, will it?

I love nature. I love trees, I love grass (except when it's wet, and freshly cut grass smells great, but makes me sneeze), I love bright colors (especially orange), I like documentaries about plant and animal life I could never imagine being a part of. I find trees to be so similar to humans. The only real difference (aside from the obvious) is that we take in oxygen, and emit CO2, and they take in CO2, and emit oxygen. That difference is one that makes me so... what's the word I'm looking for?... well, it puts me in awe. The fact that we can work so well with nature, we're a part of it. Sorry if that sounds... insane? haha.

What else?
I enjoy the sound of gravel underneath feet. The smaller the gravel the better. I love long walks in the cold with friends. Cigarettes? Yes please. I smoke a lot of pot, too. I love laughter, electronic music (especially instrumental, sometimes words are just too much), girl bands (Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Le Tigre), but I love all music, really. Especially live. Any live show I can go to, I will. It could be Kenny Chesney, and you know what? I'd go... if it was free, of course (or at least cheap). (Not that it would be. K-Chez is pretty popular... why?).

Let's see....
I don't have that many friends, but my friends are all very close. I've done some things I'm not so proud of. I have terrible anxiety, and hate to be alone. Though, for the first time, walking home today, I was very content with it. I was (cheerily, mind you), singing songs on the way here. "One, is the loneliest number...", and "All by myself.... don't wanna be..." it was empowering.

As you can see, I have a lot to say.
I work at the local Burger King. I have to move out in two weeks and I have no idea where I'm going to go. I dropped out of high school, need to get my GED. Going to register for it tomorrow. I'm just a girl trying to find her place.

It is widely accepted that in the early 1970s, a group of teenagers at San Rafael High School in San Rafael, California used to meet every day after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana at the Louis Pasteur statue. Many cannabis users continue to observe 4:20 as a time to smoke communally. It is likely that this time was initially chosen due to the fact that cannabis has approximately 420 active chemicals in it. By extension April 20 ("4/20" in U.S. dating shorthand) has evolved into a counterculture holiday, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis.

The widespread popularity of 4/20 celebrations in the U.S. has brought about calls advocating for the reform of American marijuana laws. The 420 Campaign urges individuals to become involved in the political process and the drug policy reform movement. Specifically, the Campaign calls for leveraging "April 20th as a focal point every year to concentrate pressure on Congress to legalize marijuana." In addition to contacting state and national legislators, people can take action by supporting organizations—such as NORML and MPP—that represent the interests of marijuana users and other concerned citizens.




Cool shit:

* 420 is the title of a comic book series[8] featuring the alternative superhero Captain Cannabis. Also this comic book received its copyright status on 4/20 (April 20, 1977)
* Ontario's Highway 420 serves as the site of an annual cannabis rally [9]
* "The Legend of 420" is a story featured in the stage production The Marijuana-Logues[10]
* NORML launches its daily "AudioStash" podcast at 4:20 every weekday[11]
* Noting that "the national weed smoking day is 4/20," rapper Method Man named his (2006) album 4:21...The Day After


(Thanks Wikipedia.com and Google.com!)

I already have so much more to say. Only minutes after writing this first entry, I've found that I have infinite amounts to add. I have so much to say about so many things. This is going to take patience. I can't find the words to explain what it is I have on my mind. Nothing in particular. It's everything. I feel like a child. The world around me fascinates me. I dwell on reflections. Could it be, that I am just a reflection to my reflection? The world just goes the same way in so many dimensions, that I am not unique, nor is this time, or place, or situation. Somewhere out there I am doing this over and over all at the same time. That makes life seems so monotonous, doesn't it? Is the past still going on somewhere? The thing that baffles me the most, is that my personality stems from my brain. This organ that tells my body how to feel, seems to be malfunctioning. I can't help but dwell on the tiniest details, and not just dwell, but begin to be bothered... wonder why it's that way, think up reasons, usually illogical... wonder if I can fix it. Motivation lacks. The things I love to do, write, read, do puzzles, play with crayons and construction paper, I lack motivation to even do those! These things I enjoyed so much. And I can't even bring myself to do that. I am a typical American, and I hate it. I have come to rely on modern conveniences... and even things that I can't rely on, like myself. Recently I've seen my motivation sky rocket compared to the way it was. I've started reading just a little more. Laughing just a little harder. Writing just a little better. This is the way I used to be, almost. Where did I go? I somewhat enjoy overanalyzing life sometimes. I see beautiful things out of nothing. Nature is one, big, beautiful mass of life. These creatures have no other purpose but to live. What is our purpose? No one seems to see, but we're animals, too. We are here to live. It's one gigantic game to see who can finish first. (Or last, whichever way you perfer to see it.) Competition has never been my thing. I don't compete, I don't like to. Maybe I'm lacking in human survival skills, but I see no point. The only competition I ever saw looked upon as good, was guys yelling at other guys to do better, when most of them thought they were doing great already, and were too oblivious to know that they were the ones fucking shit up. My life was never in danger. Though, I was always the girl getting hit in the head with the ball, only because I was usually doing one of two things, either staring at the clock, hoping I could make time go faster, or just gazing off into nothingness, wondering why our animalistic instincts come out in such an asshole way. It's an easy escape from gym class, and surely amusing. I'm not sure what I'm attempting to achieve with these entries. I know I am going to be sharing these with anyone who cares to know what I have to say. I don't care about our history, I don't care if we barely talk. I just want to be heard.

Thursday, April 19th, 2007 [1:00 AM]

Some days, I'm so quiet people think there's something wrong, when really there's nothing wrong at all. Sometimes my mind is so blank, nothing seems to be going through my head. I just stare off into space, wondering nothing, thinking nothing, just staring... being contently unaware of life. At times I become more aware of things. The slight chap my lips have gotten from the suddenly dry, warm air. I'll dwell on this for a while, get wrapped up in the way they feel when I move them. How they don't seem to be chapped to the touch, but I can tell. It baffles me, how in tune one can be with their body. At times I seem so close to it, that it's almost far away. It's me, I'm typing this, I'm saying this... but where are these thoughts coming from? Suddenly I'm startled from my inner slumber, forced awake by a sudden flash of light, randomly coming from something reflecting off the car, or whatever. I slink back into myself, relieved nothing scary had happened. I begin to dwell on the music, it's something to think about. It sort of just drifts into your brain. The lyrics. So sad. But I've heard them a million times. Things don't get to you once you've heard them before. I'm not sad. I'm fairly happy. I want to be happier. The pursuit of finding oneself, and supposedly achieving happiness, it seems to be the root of all evil. You want happiness, you go seek it, you strive for it, you fight for it. We FIGHT for freedom. We wage a constant battle, just to be happy, just to be content. Is this the issue? Is happiness and freedom just a thing of the past, that people long for like a lost love? You and everyone else, seek this end. Everyone wants to be happy, this is the reason men and women compete for better jobs, better grades, better lives. The reason we lose sleep. The reason we cry... because we simply want to be happy. This is the reason we buy cars we don't need, why we have mental breakdowns, why we lose friends and family. All for the cause of finding your own personal happiness, and leaving everyone else behind. There is so much I want to tell the world about myself. I am not simply another girl, or just another life. And neither are you. We're all certainly very unique. I think we've all got a story to tell. I've been feeling a strong urge to write again. It's the only thing that makes me feel human anymore. I have certainly questioned humanity and it's actual... human-ness, and of course, my sanity. Be aware that neither are certain.

Hopefully, this will be continued.

So, Zac came to visit me recently. Things were just different. We both could tell. He told me he made out with his ex girlfriend the night before. That may have contributed to why. But what matters is that we talked about it, and I guess it's not going to work. We both felt compeletely different. I guess the best thing for both of us is to give up on the long distance thing.

My trip to Eugene was fun. We spent hours just sitting around, chatting. We went downtown and played some music. We sang the Flaming Lips together. We got chased by meth heads. I fell head over heels for this boy.
Nine days is a long time to spend with one person, and it went so smoothly. That shows something. We're not really "together", but we may as well be. Distance is hard... really hard. He's got the next two weeks off, but he's trying to find a ride down here. We're not sure how that's going to work out. I really miss him... but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm happy :)